Why I'm taking a summer break
(and so should you!)
I started writing here on Substack at the beginning of March, with no idea how it would go or whether I would be able to commit to a regular publishing schedule. Unlike other writers I’d subscribed to, I decided not to let people know how often I’d be posting when I wrote my about page and welcome email, because I didn’t want the pressure of feeling like I’d let people down or failed in some way if I didn’t manage to write regularly. I also knew that I didn’t need to set a target publicly to make me accountable for posting, as I’m self motivated and pretty disciplined, so just knowing that I wanted to make a habit of writing and posting regularly would be accountability enough for me.
This is my 20th post, which feels like a good point to pause, reflect and consider how I go forward. I’m proud that I’ve posted consistently every Saturday morning at 9.00am, only once waking up in a panic that I’d not written anything and rushing downstairs to do so just in time!
I started with 18 subscribers (thank you friends and family) and have seen it grow week on week. I must admit to getting a bit scared when I started getting subscribers directly on Substack rather than from people I knew or who had seen me promote my writing on one of my social media platforms. Now forty percent of my subscribers have come via Substack directly, which, for anyone thinking of sharing their writing, shows how great a platform it is for promoting your work. I was also amazed when I started getting subscribers from outside the UK, and now over a third of my readers are international, which I suppose shouldn’t be a surprise at all, when grief is universal and affects us all. So thank you all, I really appreciate you signing up to read my words.
I realise this is starting to sound a bit like a goodbye post, and that’s not what it is. But I did want to let you know that I’m taking a summer break and will be back posting in early September.
For those of you who read my post last week on rest, I’m going to try and practice what I preach! I have two weeks of holiday cover booked for my business, but I always try each summer to also reduce my work for the other weeks of the school summer holidays. This can be a challenge as I can’t control how frequently my clients will call or email me over this period, but my workload usually decreases as clients are on holiday themselves and I find other ways in which I can take a step back from the business, such as taking a break from attending networking events and training courses. I’m also going to reduce my social media usage, turning off my notifications as a starting point, and after writing last week about the pressure I put on myself to read, write, walk etc I’m going to make an effort to be less regimented and more leisurely with my hobbies, which is why a break from posting here will do me some good.
Last month in the Wild Academy we explored the concept of summer as a neutral zone, expanding on the work of William Bridges who outlined a three step model of endings, the neutral zone and beginnings when dealing with personal transitions. The neutral zone is the messy middle, the place where things are unstructured and scattered. This really resonated with me, as this summer very much feels like a liminal time before a new beginning in September. This feeling isn’t unfamiliar to me, and the urge to make hay while the sun shines before the structured back to school vibes of September kick in has never really left me, and many of us, even if we left school a very long time ago! This year, however, I have genuine back to school feelings, as I am going back to University in September.
I remember this time last year, as the summer holidays approached, feeling like I needed to take a break, not just from work, but from grief work, although that thought initially made me feel guilty, as though somehow taking a break from grief was somehow taking a break from remembering Bethany. I’m a little more practiced now, a year on, I suppose, at knowing when I need to take a break and being ok with it. As Suzy Reading writes in Self-care for Tough Times: How to heal in times of anxiety, loss and change;
The burden of grief can be overwhelming so we need to both face our feelings of loss and know when and how to take a break and find an oasis of calm between the storms of grief. These can also help you dig beneath your sadness, revealing the presence of many other emotions that in time can transform your pain.
She goes on to write “Give yourself permission to take a break from grief – anchor your mind on anything you find nourishing” and lists some ideas for distractions and mood boosters which reminded me of my March post on Glimmers and Microjoys.
Molly Remer, in her book Walking with Persephone: A journey of midlife descent and renewal describes how she takes each August off as a “Cauldron month”, a time in which she lets things “bubble and brew, stew and percolate.” She writes;
I realize I’m looking forward to some more inspiration instead of more introspection, a break from questioning and an invitation to some experiencing.
I had that same wish last year, and wrote this poem as a reminder to experience summer. I hope you can find time to have some summer experiences and rest too.
Dear Summer
Can you remind me, this year, to savour all those little things that make you such a special season?
To live unhurried, for just a couple of months, and revel in your beauty before you turn to autumn.
Can the heat of the afternoon sun prompt me
to grab a book and an iced tea and finally use the sun lounger in the garden
instead of working late again?
Can the long light evenings nudge me
to literally stop and smell the roses, to notice the bees and butterflies
instead of wasting my evenings just watching tv?
Can the beauty of the golden hour skies encourage me
to spend my nights pottering in the garden
picking home grown sweet peas, strawberries and tomatoes
instead of complaining that the heat is stopping me from getting to sleep?
Can the magic of the starlit sky remind me
to relax by the firepit,
toasting marshmallows and sipping hot chocolate
instead of having an anti social early night?
Can the weekend weather forecast embolden me
to find my bikini and jump in the swimming pool
and to rush out the house when I hear the icecream van
instead of complaining that it’s too hot?
Can you remind me of all this, dear summer, before your disappear?
So, it’s a goodbye from me for 6 weeks or so. If you weren’t one of my 18 original subscribers then you can always find out what you’ve missed by reading my previous posts either on the Substack App or by visiting thegriefobservatory.substack.com.