Hello from The Grief Observatory

and how I was inspired to come up with the name

Hi

Welcome to my first post.  You wouldn’t believe how long I’ve been dithering around trying to decide what to write about in this post, which is crazy when I have so much to say about grief. 

I guess it makes sense to explain a little more about The Grief Observatory as my starting point.

The name for this newsletter was inspired by a section of the poem Every Time I Ever Said I Want To Die by Andrea Gibson.

“A difficult life is not less worth living than a gentle one.

Joy is just easier to carry than sorrow,

and you could lift a city from how long you’ve spent holding

what’s been nearly impossible to hold.

This world needs those who know how to do that.

Those who can find a tunnel with no light at the end of it and hold it up like a telescope

to show that the darkness contains many truths that can bring the light to its knees.

Grief astronomer,

adjust the lens,

look close.

Tell us what you see.”

When my 16 year old daughter died in November 2021, it absolutely felt like I’d entered a tunnel with no light at the end of it.  When friends told me that it wouldn’t always feel this way, I couldn’t imagine how or why I would ever feel any differently because my life had changed for ever in a moment.  It was impossible to believe that I’d ever laugh again, care about anything again, or could possibly learn how to get over a loss so tragic and unexpected and get on with the rest of my life.

However, I very quickly realised that I had a choice; to feel that my life was over because hers was, or to be more determined than ever to live the life that I still had, for myself, for her, and for the rest of my family.  I can’t say it’s been easy, and loss isn’t something we can ever get over, but last night I laughed till I cried, not for the first time, and it won’t be the last.  A life without a loved one in it, a life I never imagined having to live, is most definitely a difficult life but there can also be moments of light.  Grief has fundamentally altered the lens through which I observe what is going on, both within myself and in society.

“On another planet - to not give attention to what is happening around you and to think differently from other people”

Cambridge English Dictionary

This grief lens can make you feel like you’re on another planet to everyone else (which explains the logo!) Planet grief can sometimes be a place I am actively choosing to visit, and yet at other times I am transported there against my will at the most inconvenient and unexpected times.

In these posts I aim to be a grief astronomer, sharing my observations on grief and how it has changed and continues to change me and I how I see the world. If you haven’t already done so, you can read more about this on my About Page on the Substack website and app.